


The Burdens we carry

by AQuietThinker



Series: I solemnly swear that I’m up to no good [1]
Category: Harry Potter - Fandom, JK Rowling - Fandom
Genre: Abuse, Angst, F/M, Friendship, Full Moon, Hogwarts Fifth Year, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Marauders Friendship, Marauders era, Punk/Glam Sirius Black, Sarcasm, lycanthropy, motherly McGonagall
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2019-06-27 04:18:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 10,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15677862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AQuietThinker/pseuds/AQuietThinker
Summary: 1975 arrives with a siniester turn on the Wizarding world, as Death Eaters and Dark Marks start popping around England.At the same time, fifth year in Hogwarts starts for a certain generation in Hogwarts.Every single one of them carries burdens of past and present, yet enjoys the loving arms of friendship. It is hard to keep cheerful with such dark and nasty news arrives the castle.And even thought, they keep each other company.This are the series of misfortunes and adventures the students of fifth year in 1975 had.





	1. Home is where Family is

**Author's Note:**

> So! My first fan fiction. I’m actually quite exited.  
> In this set of works I add Andromeda Black into the Marauders generation. Hopefully I got all the facts correct  
> And by the way, I’m a David Bowie fan. His my favourite singer.  
> Please comment and add any suggestions for future chapters!  
> :)

Home is where family is.

The strong smell of firewhiskey and spiked pumpkin juice filled the common room thoroughly. The usually cozy room, normally filled with scarlet and gold colours and snug armchairs and sofas, was now filled with retro tables, flying cauldrons of alcoholic drinks, and huge quantities of food. Records were heard over and over, varying from Bowie, Queen, Bowie, Pink Floyd, to Bowie.

Differently from other parties, (Oh yes. Many secret parties had taken place in the Gryffindor tower in the last four years.), Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff students had also   
joined the Gryffindors in this… celebration.

Only a certain student seemed to be distant from the dozens of drunk students.  
Andromeda Black staggered with difficulty, making her way to the edge of the common room. She wrinkled her nose at the foul smell of vomit. An older Ravenclaw had just emptied his stomach in a nearby bin. 

Getting away from the alcohol influenced student, she finally sank into a tall satin armchair, next to the fire. She spotted her cousin, Sirius Black, snogging with a tall Hufflepuff girl. His denim shirt was opened, showing his strong chest. The pair seemed to be oblivious to their surroundings, just concentrated on kissing each other fiercely.

She caught a glimpse of James Potter, who was taking shots over and over with Dorcas Meadowes and a couple of other Gryffindor boys. His usual charming personality was cast away by a drunken state, eyes unfocused, his hand trembling. And even if he looked as if he would collapse at any second, his mouth curved in a pleasured grin, laughing at an unheard joke.

Even her best friend Lily Evans, who usually disliked Potter’s parties, was having an animated conversation with Wilbert Lynch and Fabian Prewett, both in sixth year. Next to them, Zeph Gutierrez was chatting with Ludwig Vanderburg, a tall Ravenclaw student. Differently from other circumstances, Ludwig looked relaxed and calm, listening with an interested look.

Andromeda took a long gulp of her butterbeer, feeling it warm her body. Differently from her peers, today had not been a wonderful day. She took a crumpled piece of parchment, a letter, from her breast pocket.

She was wearing ripped jeans and a black blouse. Not to mention her black, victorian steampunk styled jacket, with silver buttons that gleamed at the starling lights. It was one of her most prized possessions, gifted by Sirius. Her birthday that year had been atrocious. Distinctively from her fellow students, Andromeda’s birthday was usually Summer holiday. Ever since her first year at Hogwarts, her parents, there was no other word for it, simply didn’t give a damn about her birthday. In the contrary to others, her own sisters made efforts to worsen that day. Last year, Bellatrix had set her robes on fire, called her a “Mudblood lover” all day long, and made her trip on the stairs, hurting her wrist.

When she got back to Hogwarts, heartsick, Sirius had warmly welcomed her with a piece of treacle tart, her favourite, and gave her the jacket.

A loud BANG made her jump and look up. Xenophilius Lovegood had started a firework that looked like an angry erumpet. The flaming animal flashed around the room, getting cheers and applauses.  
Her eyes rested on the bent letter again. She had read it over and over.

Andromeda,  
Your sister Narcissa informed us that you have been having an atrocious behaviour at Hogwarts.

Well, her mother did truly disagree with Professor McGonagall,who had given her one of her rare complements, telling the girl she was one of the best behaved students on her year.

How dare you keep a friendship with that Evans mudblood!?

The word mudblood was written in pure disgust.

Didn’t you learn your lesson last time you came?  
But not to worry, Lucius Malfoy (Narcissa galant lover), offered to help you out in your O.W.Ls, and introduce you to some wealthy, good looking purebloods in Slytherin.

Andromeda nearly gagged at the mention of Malfoy, or more disgusting suitors. Her parents had been planning a pure blood wedding for her since she was five.

You will come to Christmas dinner. Hopefully this time you will not embarrass us, like your horrid cousin Sirius did last time.  
Mother.

The envelope was sealed with emerald wax and the typical “Toujours Pur”. She unconsciously wiped a lonely tear on her eyes. No wonder Cissy and Bella hated her. Maybe this Christmas they would try to marry her off...

“You seem a little lonely.”

The soft voice brought her back to reality. Andromeda looked up to find Remus Lupin sitting down in the couch in front of her. He was wearing jeans and a beige aviator jacket, covering his scarred arms. A cup of butterbear was hanging from his hand.

“Just thinking. What about yourself?”

Remus sank further into the couch. “Well, James does know how to throw a party that pleasures everyone.”

There was a long pause before either spoke again.

“You know Remus, sometimes I envy you.”

He have her a quizzical look.

“You envy me?” He thought to himself for a moment. “Never thought anyone would envy me.”

“Oh! That’s not what I meant… It’s just… you seem so calm, as if to enjoy yourself in 

a quiet way.” His dark look was broken by a laugh.

“Alright… nobody has ever told me that either.”

They both shared a laugh, and went quiet as Remus sipped his butterbeer.

“You look sad.” He said, breaking the silence.

She looked down. “I-I do?”

“Yes Andromeda. Is something bothering you?”

“No no… well… yes.”

She took out the letter, handing it to him. Remus read it silently twice, frowning.

“Malfoy offered help for studying? You know much more than him.”

She blushed, and his eyes went back to the parchment.

“...like your horrid cousin Sirius did? What did Sirius do?”

She could only smile at the memory.

“He jinxed many of the guests, and cursed all of the family motto to say, ‘Muggleborn   
purity’”

It took about five minutes for them to stop laughing, but Andromeda’s eyes again became saddened. Remus noticed.

“Don’t worry Andy. Their idiots, we all know that. Even McGonagall would agree.”  
He stood up and put a hand on her shoulder, offering a gentle and kind smile, which she returned.

Andromeda studied his features as he sat back down. Even with the handsome jacket and good looking hair, his hazel eyes looked dull and tired, thin stubble 

growing on his chin.

“Full moon the day after tomorrow?”

“No… tomorrow.” He replied, checking his watch. 

Andromeda looked at her watch too. Seven minutes after midnight.

“Better not get caught.”

Both of them stood up and waved their way through the crowd towards the dormitories. Sirius had passed out in a table, and James had mysteriously disappeared with Dorcas. David Bowie was singing loudly from an enchanted record player, ‘Lady Stardust’ playing.

“Goodnight Andy.” Remus offered a more tired smile.

“Night fur-face.”

With the last goodbye, Andromeda entered her dormitory, which she shared with Lily, Dorcas, Marlene and Alice. Putting on her pyjamas, she retreated into the soft bed, thinking about the party still raging downstairs. Giving a soft sight, she let nightmares and dreams take hold of her thoughts.


	2. Hot Tramp, I love you so

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The new D.A.D.A teacher is a git.  
> And Zeph is terrible at potions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Modern Love and Rebel Rebel are one of my favourite songs. Hopefully you’ll like this chapter. Please leave comments!

“The one with the lighting.”  
“That’s Bowie Peter, you idiot.”  
____________________________________________________________

James Potter started at his potion. It was a thick color of greenish blue, burping out pink bubbles every ten seconds. He looked around, trying to figure out what he had done wrong this time.   
Remus’s potion was the nice orange tone it was supposed to be. Zeph’s potion was also green, but it didn’t show the pink, vomit like bubbles. Andromeda was telling Sirius how to chop his pine cone, her own potion the orange color. His friends potion smelled like burnt plastic, coloured in a gray lavender.

“I don’t get it! I added the bat blood drop by drop, put the cat hair in it’s appropriate quantity, and put three lacewing flies!” Complained Zeph, questioning Andromeda.

“You, erm, were supposed to add cinnamon before the cat hair. Oh, and your cauldron’s leaking.”

“Fuck…”

Zeph jumped away from the table, followed by Peter, who had just arrived. The edges of her cauldron were melting. Professor Slughorn waved his wand to make the substance disappear.

“Ah, a common error Miss Gutierrez. You can keep trying with Miss Black. And please mind your language.” He walked to another table, where Bertha Jorkins’s potion had started spitting blue flames.

“A common error Miss Gutierrez” mocked Zeph in a whisper, shooting the teacher a nasty look. “Crabbe’s potion had burned a hole in the table!”

“Calm down,” Remus said, putting his potion in a glass tube. “Many other people make that mistake. What are you doing here Peter?” He added, looking at the small boy.

“I made a bet with Mary MacDonald that Sirius would fall asleep during class today. And apparently,” he uttered miserably, “I lost.”

“Why would he fall asleep?” Asked Andromeda, cleaning more of Zeph’s potion off the wooden table.

“‘Spent all night long to Juan Lenin.”

“Who?” Asked Sirius. “I didn’t listen to John Lennon yesterday night.”

“The one with the lightning.”

“That’s Bowie Peter, you idiot!.” Exclaimed Sirius in an annoyed tone. “Gosh, you blokes have to get the hang of it!.”

Zeph gave a sigh. “Give us a chance Black. I’m half blood and most of your weird musicians make no sense.”

“Yeah, David Bowie makes no sense, but that makes him brilliant!” Finished off Andromeda, packing up her things.

The class had rapidly ended, students coming out in groups. As they waved goodbye to Andy and Zeph, Remus, Sirius and Peter met James and scurried off to Muggles Studies.

The class had been awefully boring ever since the Daily Prophet announced murders of blood traitors, muggles, and muggleborns. The teacher, Mr. Saunders, gave them long, and slow, speeches about the uses of a telephone. He had done that for three classes in a row, and Muggles Studies came by in a hurry.

“Come on, it’s our first D.A.D.A class in the semester.” Blurted James, as the four Marauders made their way to the usual classroom. Finding seats behind Marlene and Andromeda, they looked around the room. 

Each year the new teacher decorated the class however they pleased. Last year, Professor Moore had filled the classroom with all types of bones. Three of them belonged to werewolves, she had claimed, making Remus scurry of the class and vomit. 

This year it was different. The class had various tapestries with flowers and cactuses decorating them in moth eaten colours. There were a couple of pictures of creatures, ranging from grindlows to iferi. At the top of the teachers desk was a huge picture of the Queen of England, elegantly posing. It was a muggle picture, for the Queen didn’t move.

“Long live the Queen.” A voice wailed. The new Professor had come out. “Hello students, my name is Mr. Bennet and I will be your teacher this year.”

The man was wearing a set of black robes. His curved nose and small eyes gave him an annoyingly bossy look. A pointy blue had covered his greying hair, which was plastered against his forehead with immense amounts of Sleakeasy hair gel.

“Today we will begin with a name activity. Each of you, in your turn, will stand up and tell the class their name, and an interesting thing about themselves.”

The whole class internally groaned. The students had known each other for five year now.

“I’m Frank Longbottom, and I, erm, I’m good at Transfiguration class.”

“Alice Orpington. I am great at wizarding chess.”

“Emmeline Vance. I can speak German.”

“James Potter. I….”

“Your father is Fleamont Potter?” Interrupted Mr. Bennet, in his snobbish voice.

“Yes?”

“Hmm. I was always better than him at Quidditch.”

The whole class thoughted it, for Mr Bennet looked horribly out of shape. Not to mention that Fleamont Potter has won various Cups when he studied at Hogwarts.

“Lily Evans. I…”

“You are muggle born?” He asked again. He looked up in a rude look when she nodded. And this was only the beginning of Gryffindor’s hate towards him.

“Sirius Black. I like to listen to goth music.”

“What is that?”

“Umm,” Sirius thought. “It’s music where vampires get together to pierce their ears, sacrifice virgins, and try to overthrow the government. Oh, and we also worship the devil.” More than one student sniggered as Mr. Bennet gave him a horrified look, but kept going.

“Andromeda Black…”

“From the Black family?” He asked, looking at Sirius too.

“Toujours Pur.” They both said sarcastically.

“Hmm. Go on.”

“... and I like to listen to David Bowie.”

“And who the hell is David Bowie?”

That was it for Sirius. He stood up and looked at him with fierce eyes.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“How dare you!” Professor Bennet said, struggling to come face to face with Sirius. He still looked ridiculous, for Sirius was about a feet taller than him.

“I dare.”

“Detention Mr. Black.”

“Hot Tramp.” The class giggled again.

“And that’s ten points from Gryffindor. Now sit down.”

The class continued, and when Marlene told everyone her name was Ziggy Stardust, saying she loved to visit her family on Mars, Mr. Bennet let out an exasperated sigh and gave them a boring sermon on kappas, something they already knew.

The rest of the day was quite uneventful, and before dinner started, Sirius was called to McGonagalls office.

“Come in.”

Sirius sat down in the chair in front of her, getting in a comfortable position.

“What’s up McG?”

As McGonagall nearly rolled her eyes, she offered him a biscuit tin can.

“Oh bless you.” He said, taking three of them. He, of all people, knew the drill. If she offered you a cookie, you were not in trouble.

“Professor Bennett informed me you claimed you worshipped the devil and sacrificed virgins while puncturing your body.”

Sirius merely stared at her before cracking a laugh.

“He… he believed that?” He asked, still hiccuping with laughter.

“You do not?”

“Aww, come on Minnie. I don’t follow my family's traditions. Remember last year I told you I would howl at the moon naked during Christmas Holidays?”

She again, nearly rolled her eyes.

“He did say you called him a ‘hot tramp’?”

“That’s part of a song Minnie. You should hear it though, and one called ‘Modern Love’”

The professor stared at him for a long time.

“Fine. You may leave Mr. Black. But stop calling Professor Bennet a ‘hot tramp’”

“Can I still call you Hurracaine Minerva?”

This time she did roll her eyes.

“Great! I’m going to dinner, can’t worship the devil with an empty stomach!”

“Black.”

“Fine McG. Remember to listen to Modern Love for me.”

“Get out of my office.”

The boy threw her a devilish smile and closed the door. Little did he know, that, when his footsteps faded away, the Professor waved her wand and a battered record player appeared. David Bowie started filling the room quietly.

“I never wave goodbye, but I try, I try…”


	3. Rock ‘n’ Roll Suicide

It’s ruddy awesome! You guys are awesome!  
____________________________________________________________

 

“OUCH!”

“Shush!”

“You were the one to step on my bloody foot!”

“Sorry Marlene…”

“All of you; Shut. Up. When you are trying to surprise someone, you have to be quiet.”

“Who’s idea was this anyways?”

“Yours!”

“What is going on?”

The four girls looked at the bed near the window. A face with auburn hair spiked in every direction and dark blue eyes was staring tiredly at them.

“Happy Birthday Andy!!!!” The four of them jumped towards her, opening her four post bed curtains and shoving hair off her face.

“It’s my birthday?” Andromeda asked, still half asleep.

“Of course it is you sloth. Now wake up!” Marlene said, jumping into her bed.  
“But of course, if you want to go back to sleep and not open your presents…”

“Didn’t say that!”

They all smiled as Andromeda rubbed her eyes and looked at them with a small smile.

“Mine first” said Lily, giving her a thin rectangular package wrapped in green paper.  
Andromeda ripped it carefully, her eyes widening. Inside there was a record of David Bowie’s Ziggy Stardust album. Next to it was a birthday card that sang in an eerie voice.  
“Thank you Lily, who told you…?”

“Sirius told me you’d lost your own copy during the summer time” Lily beamed, receiving a warm hug from her friend. Next, Zeph Gutierrez, another Gryffindor girl with dark hair and nice eyes shoved a package to her hands.

“This may just be one of my favourites.” Andromeda said happily, the package containing a dozen Toblerone chocolates. “Where did you get them?”

“You know that sixth year kid, Andrew?” Replied Zeph, taking the discarded wrapper away, “He trades this muggle stuff for quills, potion ingredients and other things. I would have gotten them myself, but my mum said I’d had too much chocolate.”

Alice handed her gift next, that turned out to be a book called ‘The ancient history of Stars and Galaxies, featuring Andromeda, Sirius and Orion’. This gave them a good laugh.  
“Figured you’d like it, and have a good laugh.”

“Yeah, why exactly is your whole family named after space shit?”

Andromeda just shrugged. “Crappy tradition.”

Marlene gave her gift last. It was a soft bundle, wrapped in turquoise paper.  
Opening it, Andromeda have a gasp. The package revealed a black leather jacket, with an orange and blue lightning striking in the back.

“Bloody hell!!!” She shrieked, jumping at Marlene to give her a bear hug.  
“Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!!”

“Come on! Put it on!” They chanted, as she put the jacket on top of her pyjamas, walking around to display.

“This is so ruddy awesome. You guys are awesome.”

Marlene smirked and laughed. “Knew you’d like. But hurry, breakfast starts in ten minutes, and I’m starving.”

They quickly changed into their common clothes, it being a Saturday. Andromeda was styling her jacket with ripped jeans and black military boots.

“Looks good.” Lily mumbled, as they quickly walked towards the Great Hall. 

As usual for a Saturday morning, the Great Hall had fewer students, most of them preferring to sleep in. The five girls sat on the edge of the Gryffindor table, chatting mildly as they served themselves eggs, toast, and fruit.

“Happy birthday Andromeda.” Remus said, handing her a gift, which turned out to be a big book about Quidditch.

“Thanks Remus. I was planning on getting these.” She thanked, smiling at him.

“Hey! Look.”

Sirius Black made his way through the crowd, smiling his usual charm to a couple of first year girls, who blushed deeply and hurried away. He sat next to Andromeda, and after ruffling her hair, gave her another present.

“Aww, you remembered my birthday Siri. Maybe next time You’ll remember to put your trousers on Monday’s.”

“Happy B-Day Dromeda. And yes, I’ll make sure Minnie doesn’t catch me without trousers.”

The gift contained another record, this time from The Beatles, Abbey Road.  
As usual, James Potter trotted behind Sirius, and ruffled Andromeda’s hair to an even messier state.

“Happy Birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you smell like a monkey….”  
“And you live with one tooooooooo.” Finished Marlene for him, chanting the last lyrics.

“Gits. Thanks for the Polaroid cámara recharges. Was running out.” Andromeda said, trying to straighten her hair nervously. Why would James give her these?

The rest of the day was quite charming. After a pleasant visit to Hagrid’s, who gifted her a small wooden harp, and warm lunch in Hogsmeade, they all gathered around to play truth or dare in the common room. The game hastily ended when Peter threw up after eating some doxy eggs.

“Want a smoke?” Offered Sirius, taking a package of cigarettes out of his pocket.  
Both Blacks walked to the Astronomy tower, sitting on the ramparts. Sirius lighted their cigarettes with the tips of his wand, and they where silent for a while, inhaling smoke.

Andromeda didn’t really smoke as much as her cousin, but every once in a while enjoyed it. The burning smell calmed her thoughts, making her feel relaxed. It was especially pleasant to smoke with Sirius, who, as usual, let her rest her head on his shoulder, and talk vaguely about an untouched subject.

Even if she enjoyed having her birthdays with her friends, Andromeda was usually saddened by then end of the day. Her thoughts rested on her parents and sisters, who never truly cared to celebrate her birthday. Last year her birthday had been just before the term had started...

And Sirius understood. He knew all about their stupid, fucking family. He knew their stupid traditions, preposterous beliefs.

“Don’t think about them.” He said sudenly, holding his cigarette with two fingers.

“Hmm?”

“Just don’t Andy. Your parents, mine. Your evil sisters. They are all idiots. Who gives a fuck about them anyways?” His expression was kind, but his brow still angry at the thought of their family.

“I know Siri, it’s just… I don’t know how to feel.” She replied. They again stayed quiet, letting out more silver smoke.

“I have to tell you something.” Sirius said abruptly.

“Yes?” She again replied, letting out ash from her own cigarette, taking another one and lighting it.

“James offered me something. His parents have seen our little… scenes every now and then, between our parents. They offered me to… to runaway and live with them for the reminding summers and holidays. And they said you could come too. Mr. Potter can arrange adoption papers….”

“Runaway?” She said, pondering about it. “But, wouldn’t they hunt us down, use dark forces or something? You know them Siri. They can…”

“But this time they can get it prepared Andy. Mr. Potter has a testimony, that is certainly long, of the many abuses they’ve implied over the years. He can make it happen.”

She thought for a long while, inhaling the cigarette as Sirius put an arm around her shoulders.

“What would we do?” She asked, but before he could answer, they heard a noise behind them. Sirius stood up, but as he saw nothing, resumed his current position, letting Andromeda rest her head on his shoulder.

“It’s nothing. I have it all planned. This Christmas we can spend it with the Potters, but we will have to go for a little bit of the summer break, at least a week. I’m getting away first, then coming to get you. Remember to keep your things packed up and ready.” he paused for a moment. “We can take the knight bus. And then no. Ore stupid traditions, no more beheading house elves.”

He took a long, deep breath out of his cigarette, wich was running out.

Could it truly be that easy? Andromeda thought to herself, chubbing out ther end of her cigarette. Can we simply just run and forget them all?

None spoke until the night stars began to appear, and, helping her get up, Sirius and her made their ways to the Gryffindor tower. The common room was empty, exept for a couple of first year sitting by the fireplace. 

“Think about it Andy. Good night and… happy birthday Galaxy.” He said, kissing her forehead and smirking.

“G’night Fluffy.”

All the girls in Andromeda’s dormitory were already asleep. Putting her pyjamas on, she closed the curtains of her bed, but noticed a parcel still laying untouched on her pillow. She opened it quietly. Inside it was a beautiful Polaroid Cámara, brand new. She smiled at it, touching it delicately. Who would give her such gift?

There was a note next to it, reading;

Dear Andromeda,  
Happy Birthday! James told us how your camara broke so long ago. Hopefully you’ll like this one. We also attached some of the chocolate raisins you like so much. Remember you and Sirius are invited to spend the Christmas holidays with us!  
Love,  
Mum and Dad.

Love, Mum and Dad. Mr and Mrs Potter. Andromeda let tear stain her face as she re-read the note over and over.

She finally placed the Polaroid carefully on the night desk, clutching the note with her hand. 

She did have a loving family.  
Love Mum and Dad.  
Of course, she would run away.

She fell asleep with note still tightly held in her hand.


	4. Why me?

But it was useless.  
He had been bitten.  
____________________________________________________________

 

The last drifts of summer were converted into the cold winds of October. Students   
huddled together in their common rooms, trying to keep warm.  
Remus was sitting in his favourite squashy armchair, next to the fireplace. It was around midnight, most Gryffindor students had retired to their warm and cozy beds in the dormitories. The orange flames contrasted the nearly full moon that showed on the window.

It’s beautiful shine mocked the young werewolf. Many students would call it a beautiful night, but Remus dreaded the coming days. He felt tierd, no, exhausted. His dull eyes looked down at the couch in front of hi.

James and Peter had fallen asleep, their hands still clutching books on transfiguration and animagus procedures. Remus throughly doughted they would ever become animagus, but their hopes where high.

He rubbed his temples, another incoming headache disturbing his concentration. His mind wondered how the next full moon would be, how many new scars, to the new excuse he would give to curious askers.

His quill trembled in his hand. Putting the D.A.D.A essay down, he made his way to the Fat Laidy’s potrait whole. If a teacher caught him, his prefect badge would excuse him. Frank was supposed to be on duty, but he was asleep in the common room too, having worn off by studying for the Enchantments pop quiz.

The prefects bathroom was easy to get to if you knew your way. One stairs up, too left, and go straight until the uneasy buffalo portrait. As he whispered the password (Pixxie Dust), Remus walked in, nearly tripping with some towels. 

The bathroom was beautifully (yet ironically) illuminated by the moons shine. Most of the stone surfaces smelled of lavander, and warm towels where displayed in bunches. 

Remus took his shirt and tie off, observing his body. His torso had an array of deep scratches, a burn, and one devilish cut. All of them inflicted by himself. His last night at the Shrieking shack had been hellish. Madame Pomfrey forgot to take her handkerchief, which strangely enough smelled like human. The wold wanted to reach it, devour it piece by piece. And yet the only human around was Remus.

He took his shoes off and sat near the corner, underneath the stained glass with the mermaid. His mind was invaded but deep and creepy thoughts.

Why did he have to carry this burden? Why?

He remembered very easily h the night he was bitten. Father had arrived from work, kissing Remus’s forehead and sending him to bed. But he had listened to his conversation with his mother. 

“What happened dear?” Hope Lupin’s voice had asked.  
“Dammed Greyback. He was again stopped by Aurors, argued with him for such a long time.” His father, Lyall Lupin, had harshly responded, taking a bite from some pie.  
“The werewolf. But Lyall, isn’t he dangerous. He bites children doesn’t he?”  
“That is exactly why he should be sent to Azkaban. Or better, killed. Filthy creatures like him should go rot in hell….”

Remus had stopped listening, being small and innocent, and gone to bed. That Sam night, his window was broken, and a creature was heading over the child as he screamed. He barley remembered how his father had tried to stun Greyback, but it was useless. Remus had been bitten. He was now a filthy creature.

His mother sobbed for weeks. His father couldn’t bare to look him in the eyes. Later on they assured him he would be fine, and tried to help him through it. But it was never the same. His mother’s smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. And his father…

His father had it horrible. Just the night before, he had sincerely said that werewolves were filthy creatures, that should die… rot in hell. And Remus understood what that meant.

Tears fell freely down his face, Remus folding himself into a ball, trying to become smaller. A sob shaked his shoulders violently.

“Why… why d-do I have to b-be such a…. such a monster…..” his own father has said that all werewolf’s should be killed. Did he think that now? Now that his own son was one of those… filths?

“I’m so… so t-tierd of this…. I… they’re right aren’t they? M-monsters should be h-hunted down… rot in h-hell….” his breath hitched in gasps.

It took him a while to calm down. He just sat there for a while, looking at the moon with such desperate longing. He took a long time to get up, wash his face and disappear through the portrait hall. 

He made his way to the Gryffindor common room, and up to the dormitories. Sirius was asleep on the floor, Peter and James back on their beds. He closed his curtains and sank to the bed. 

They would never know his pain.

And little did he know that a silver tabby cat, with spectacle markings around her eyes, had been watching him the whole night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is just so sad. Yet I liked it. I intend to put McGonagall as a very motherly figure.   
> Please leave comments:)


	5. A denied though

Just because your a stupid w-“  
“SHUT IT!”  
_______________________________________________

The book was closed in a heavy thump as the student gave a sigh in annoyance. Severus gazed angrily   
at the book, knowing it would not help much. The title was promising, ‘The Art against Dark Creatures, and how to spot them’, but the rest was rubbish. Utter rubbish.

The Slytherin boy walked towards the library’s window, watching Hogwarts pupils play around the Great Lake. He spotted Emma Vanity, a Slytherin perfect, snogging with Daniel Flint, a quidditch chaser. He looked away in disgust, only to see another despicable group. Potter and Black.

Potter was sitting under a chestnut tree, playing Exploding Snap with Pettigrew. Severus wondered why they kept the stupid boy around. He couldn’t make a proper Fever potion, the most simple one?  
Black was staring at them, then turned around towards the castle.

Severus stepped back in fear, thinking Black was staring at him. 

Such a filthy person, using muggle clothes and completely destroying his family name.

Black was now welcoming Lupin, who had joined the group. Severus had always questioned the other student. Potter was arrogant and selfish, having a perfect family. Black was such a whore, and dishonoured his perfect last names. Even Pettigrew had a reason to be an enemy, being so stupid.

But Lupin… Lupin was mysterious. When they first arrived to the wizarding school, Severus had thought the boy simply had a troublesome household. When he asked Lily if they should confront him, she sadly shook her head and said it was important to let him tell them in his own way. 

But the silly theory quickly melted down into another. Lycanthropy. It all made sense. His disappearances, scars, trauma. And yet, when he told Lily, she angrily denied it and told him to forget about it. But four years had passed and he still gave the theory big thought. 

He had tried it various times. Some experiments had worked, others hadn’t. 

Once in potions, quietly sneaking by, he cut a small wound on Lupin’s hand. The same wound could be visible a month later, while for a normal person, the cut would have healed quickly. But of course, Marlene McKinnon had seen him, warned Potter, and Severus had his robes turn brilliant magenta for the whole week.

On a second experiment, he enchanted a tiny bird to follow them around. But Petigrew, in his huge stupidity, noticed it, and Potter safely healed the bird from the dark magic as Black made him hang from his toes in a broom closet. He was able to hear a short conversation though.

“Join us tonight for the prank Moony?

“No Padfoot. I don’t feel like it.”

“But Remus!” Black had whined “It is going to be the very best! We are going to pint Bowie’s lightning on the Great Hall. Imagine McG’s face!”

“No Sirius, I just want to go to bed.”

Black’s tone was now angry.

“Just because your a stupid w-“

“SHUT IT!”

Potter had snapped, tackling Black slightly. Lupin had simply bowed his head and retired to the dormitories. This was about five minutes before they caught him, but he had heard enough. 

His attempts ceased for a while, but he learned something. Lupin was absolutely horrified that anyone would know that he was a werewolf. 

If he was a werewolf. He needed more proof.

But in the meanwhile, there were more important facts or events to attend to. He took out a little leather book out of his robe pocket, flipping the pages. It was just a gift Lucius had given him on their trip to Knockturn Alley. He scribbled more notes next to the new spell, Sectumsempra. 

As Madam Pince gave him a severe glare, Severus saw Lily, who trotted up to chat with him.

“Hey Sev. What are you up to?”

“Nothing really,” he replied, safely retreating his notebook to the pocket. “You? Maybe we can do our Astronomy homework together.”

She glanced back nervously. “Erm, I finished that already. Remus gave me some good tips on the Moon phases calendar. But we can do the Herbology essay.”

Severus felt a bitter taste rise up his throat. Why would she do her Astronomy homework with Lupin?

“Fine.”

Both students walked into the edge of the Great Lake, sitting under the chestnut tree that Potter and his friends had just left. There was silence as they took out ink and quills, writing a few words on the parchment.

“Why did you do the Astronomy assignment with Lupin?” He blurted out.

“Because we share the class silly. And because he’s quite good at it too.”

“Hmm. Wonder why he knows the moon calendar so well.”

If she heard his sarcasm, Lily probably just ignored the comment. The Herbology essay was quite easy, and she could have done it herself in fifteen minutes. But it was nice to spend some time with her friend.

“Are you going to spend the Christmas holidays here?” She asked, opening a large book.

“No. I’m spending it with Lucius. They invited me over.” He glanced to the side quickly, avoiding her disgusted face.

“Why do you keep going with them Sev? Andy told me about those ‘family meetings’. Their filled with Death Eaters.”

“Why do you do your homework with manifestations of the devil?” He asked, but regretted it. Lily snapped the book close and stared at him.

“What is your problem Severus?” She implied angrily, her flaming red hair wilder than ever. “I know your theory, and seriously it’s stupid!”

“But-“

“No Sev…” her expression calmed down. “You are one of my best friends, but I also have other friends. Remus is one of them. And even if he was a werewolf, who cares? Andy’s family is filled with Death Eaters. She’s not one of them. Emmeline’s mum was a prostitute. Emm’s not. Your father…” Lily stopped, wincing, but Severus made no expression.

“Fine.” He said coldly, continuing his essay. She gave a sigh and got up, having finished her essay, and led towards the Gryffindor tower.

“I need more proof. And then they will see.” Severus finally said, standing up. He took a last glance at the hallway in which Lily had disappeared, and turned back to his own .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took me a little while, but it works. Please comment and leave kudos! I’ll try to update quickly.


	6. Scary Monsters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long, but here’s a good chapter.

James groaned annoyed. He stared at the piece of parchment in front of him. Professor Sprout had given them a big bunch of homework; a twenty inch essay on the uses of Mandrakes. In about an hour and a half, James had only manage to complete five inches.

He looked around, trying to find something more entertaining. Sirius, who had finished the essay a long time ago, was listening to Queen, which roared Bohemian Rhapsody from his battered record player. Next to him, Peter was sitting on a stool, writing hurriedly on another piece of parchment.

“Hey Prongs? What’s the name of the blue planet, you know, the one next to Jupiter?”

“Come on Peter! That’s basic knowledge!” Hovered Sirius, who had turned the record off. His hair was a little messy, and his eyes scanned the room annoyingly. 

“That’s Jupiter. But why are you still taking Divination?” questioned James. “The teachers a mad hag. Doesn’t know what she’s saying half of the time.”

As Peter mumbled a ‘My Mum wanted me to’, Frank Longbottom entered the common room.

“Hey Frank. What’s up?”

Frank smirked at him tiredly, taking a chocolate front from Peter’s table and sitting on the foot of a divan.

“Not much. Just finished my round.” He looked around “Where’s Remus?”

James looked at the old armchair next to his. The place where his friend usually read and ate chocolate was empty.

“That’s odd. I just saw him, about…” he looked at the clock, “Blimley! How does time pass so quickly? I saw him two hours ago.”

“Working on the Herbology essay?” Frank asked, looking at the discarded parchment.

James nodded miserably.

Frank happily smiled. “Finished mine a week ago. Alice has a good knack for that class.”

“Talking about Orpington…” started Sirius, joining the conversation. “When are you gonna start dating her? I’m mean, what the hell dude?”

Frank blushed red.

“Yeah, he’s right, the whole school knows you like her.” remarked Peter.

“I-I know. But I’ll ask her soon enough. Also, I wanted to question you, Sirius.”

Sirius looked up again, wondering what he would ask him.

“What’s up with you and Regulus?”

James also gave him a curious look.

“Nothing. Actually…”

But again, he was interrupted by a dozen Gryffindor students that swarmed the common room, followed by McGonagall.

“What’s going on.” Frank turned to a younger student, Liza.

“I don’t know. All the students have been sent to their common rooms, and Head of House has to check that they're all there.”

As she said, McGonagall had started counting the students, calling out their names. There was a certain tension in the air, so no one fooled around. Even when the teacher called out ‘Sirius Black’, Sirius Replied with a ‘Present!’ Instead of his usual joke of not saying anything. When she finally finished, the four students found Remus, Marlene and Lily sitting in one of the windows, talking softly with Alice.

“Anybody knows what happened?”

Alice spoke first. “Someone conjured a Dark Mark in the Great Hall.”

There was a shocking silence for a couple of heartbeats.

“Is…” stuttered Peter. “Is anybody… dead?”

Lily flinched at the word, but shook her head.

“At least no one from Gryffindor. We are all here. I saw Emmeline and Dorcas on the way here, and Sev was walking with a group of Slytherins.”

Even James didn’t make a comment of slimy Snivellus. Zeph trotted it, holding a cup of tea on her hands.

“The teachers are still figuring out what happened. McGonagall says we have to stay put for the rest of the night.”

But it was hard. Most of the students quietly retired to their dorms, but others stayed awake on the common room. James found himself observing his friends over and over. 

Andromeda was curled up in the corner of a loveseat, ‘Fantastic Beasts and where to find them’ tightly held in her hands. Her eyes swerved at the pictures, but her attention was elsewhere. Next to her, Lily was writing her Herbology essay on a parchment, constantly having to cut out misspelled words.

Remus was pacing around, stopping next to the fire to mumble something to Peter. Sirius himself was busy in a motorcycle magazine, but he hadn’t turned the page in thirty minutes. Alice and Frank where curled up together, having an uninterested chat with Zeph, who glanced at Marlene’s sleeping form every five minutes.

He thought on how the week had progressed. On Monday, Sirius and him had to serve the last detention of ten, all for the priceless look on Snivellus face when he ate a mouthful of doxy eggs. Tuesday had been long with homework, until Remus arrived and agreed to help them with a box of chocolates per essay. They visited Hogsmeade on Wednesday, and bought as many candy as possible from Honeydukes. Thursday they slept in late and got a scolding from Slughorn.

And now Friday, a Dark Mark.

When the girls finally retired to their dormitories, James took a deep breath.

“Hey, I’m also gonna go to-“

“They got her!”

Eric Creevy, a boy from third year, stomped to the room.

“What?”

“Roxane Malfoy will be expelled from Hogwarts.”


	7. A Fishy Cousin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. Ive had an extremely busy month. Hope you enjoy!

Umm, I think we cursed his broom.

David Bowie was kept at full blast on the boy’s dormitory in Gryffindor Tower. The cool breeze from an open window took away the stink of cigarette, and muffled part of the laughing voices. 

“Alright Peter, here’s the list.” Sirius finished off a scribble on the parchment, passing it to the short boy. 

“This is…”

“The most bloody damn awesome list of the best bloody music in the whole bloody world? Thank you Wormtail.” Sirius bowed dramatically and turned back to his motorcycle magazine.

“Yeah… thought these are strange names. The Eagles, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Billy Joel, Talking… Heads?”

James smiled vaguely and stretched, taking the list from Peter. 

“The best musicians huh? What about The Who?”

“Shit, I forgot.” Sirius cursed and took the list from his hands. Once finished, he pinned it magically to the stone wall, between Frank and Remus’ beds.

“Do we have Herbology homework?”

The Sunday evening went on, soon to be ended by the midnight clock.  
“So, what happened to Malfoy?” Asked Frank, packing up his books.

“Umm, I think we cursed his broom.”

“No, the other Malfoy. Death mark? Remember?”

“Oh, Roxane.” James scratched his head, leaning onto his bed. “I think she was expelled. No one has actually seen her around for two weeks. She didn’t come to the Quidditch match, or extra help at potions, according to Zeph.”

“Why care about her, Frank?” Sirius mumbled. “Think about our next prank.”

“Yeah. It’s not very relevant. One less Malfoy to worry about.” Remus tiredly said, taking the parchments off his bed. “I’m going to bed.”

“He’s right. I honestly don’t want to be late to McG’s class.”“James.”

“What?”

“Since when were you responsible?”

“Fuck off.”

“Goodnight to you too.”

—————

“Hey Zeph. What’s up?”

The girl arched and eyebrow unimpressed. 

“If you respond ‘the sky’ again I’m throwing you off your broom on Quidditch practice.”

James laughed and smiled at Sirius, and offered Zeph a seat. She nodded and began munching on a caramel apple, listening to their plans.   
“So, What are you up to?”

Peter questioned her.

“What do you mean?”

“Come on Pete.” She replied, “Your Lot are always up to something.”

“Changing the subject dramatically.” James intervened, “Are you doing anything worth sharing for Christmas Holidays?”

Zeph rolled her eyes. “Douchebag. And yes, I am. I’m going to New York.”  
“Wait! In America?!”

“Shut up Sirius!”

McGonagall's glare was enough to shut him down.  
“Yeah. Mum and Dad agreed to send me. I’m visiting a couple of friends for their wedding.”

“I knew something fishy was going on. Tell us ‘Phyrine, are you gonna marry that Jackson?” Sirius had to dodge to avoid a flying knife. 

“How many times have I told you Black, he’s my cousin!”

Sirius’s smirk was to big, and it earned him a spoon to the forehead.

“And you guys?”

Marlene joined the conversation, interested on them instead of her porridge bowl.

“Mum and I are going skating.” Mumbled Peter, buried on a potions book.

“Yes. But the more important question is what you guys are actually doing right now.”

The three stayed quiet at the girl’s inspection.

“We… might have pranked something. Or someone. Hypothetically speaking.” Said James.

They both stared at the marauders.

“But didn’t you already-“

“Yeah yeah, but we were bored.” Sirius snapped, and started packing his things before bumping into Eric, again.

“Oi! Watch where you're going Creevy.”

“Professor McGonagall wants to see you and James.” The younger one replied unsurprised. Sirius smiled and mockingly offered his arm to James, who was looking more serious.

“Shall we?”

“We shall”


	8. Goodbye Blue Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Most of these are inspired by headcanons. And for the specific reader that is always bugging me for new chapters, enjoy!

Christmas holidays came quickly after the final projects, and Hogwarts students beamed in joy when open windows showed blankets of snow. Today was the day when most would go home with family, and others would stay, drinking hot cocoa in their cozy common rooms.

“Are you 100% sure this will go as planned?”

James smirked at Peter, who quivered underneath the iron armour they had given him.

“Of course it will Wormtail. We’ve been planning our Christmas goodbyes for more than a month.” Sirius closed his eyes and smiled, “I can nearly see McG’s expression.”

“If you want to see it, then hurry up!”

James checked his arm or and broomstick one last time. Class would end soon and students would flood the hallways to see their next show.

“Ready boys?”

The bell rang, and armours clashed against each other.

(An hour and a half, two broken arms, and a melted helmet later.)

“We were studying!”

McGonagall raised an eyebrow.

“You put on the suits of armour from the third floor corridor, and rode your broomsticks down the hall directly into each other and shouted ‘charge’.”

James and Sirius shared smirks and looked at the profesores with stern faces.

“It was Mugglestuddies, Minnie. We were recreating a muggle duel.”

She stared at them again.

“You both, detention these whole week. And Pettigrew,” she said, turning to the smaller boy, “30 points from Gryffindor. Maybe if you Three were more like Mr. Lupin you would have at least one day without detention.”

“Wait!” Inquired James, “So now I’m supposed to do anything that Remus does? What if he jumped off a clif?”

“Oh for the love of-! If Mr Lupin were to jump off a cliff, he would have done his due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry.” She took a deep breath. “So yes, if you see Mr. Lupin jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.”

She turned around and disappeared through a dark corridor, leaving three very confused marauders.

“Did I miss something?”

They whirled around to see Remus, arms heavy with books, walking out of the library. Sirius made a charade by flapping an invisible cape.

“Moony, go jump off a cliff.

———————————————————————-

“You’ll be okay, right?” Lily asked, giving her friend one last hug. Andromeda smiled weakly, and hugged Zeph next.

“I’ll be fine. It’s just a Christmas dinner. Besides,” she replied, “My parents can’t just murder me on the spot. Hagrid is expecting me for tea when I come back.”

Both girls bit their lips and frowned at the cruel joke, but questioned no more.  
“Oi! Evans!” James made his way through the crowd. “How ‘bout a kiss for goodbye?”

He only got a hard slap. The handprint was still bright red when Sirius and Remus arrived.

“Hey, HEY! Sirius!”

“Yes?”

“Werewolf?”

Remus pushed James down and hissed at him, but he just smiled.

“Therewolf!”

“Fuck you. I will murder you both.” With one last death threat and a good luck, Remus departed to the train, waving goodbye.

“Andy! Ready?”

The girl smiled one last time at her friends, and waved goodbye as she and Sirius boarded the train. Neither smiled mucha after that. It was going to be a long holiday.


	9. Note from the Writer

Hello Everyone!  
I am so sorry I haven’t updated in such a long time, but it has been a rather busy month.   
Happy New Years!  
Hopefully I will be able to add more chapter after this one, so please be patient with me. This work is intended to be much longer.  
Most of my work is based on headcanons also, if some of you notice.  
One last thing! If you have any suggestions or questions on the work, please leave comments on this specific chapter.  
Thanks!  
;D


	10. Lilies & Runaways

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All spelling mistakes are on me  
> ;)

Lily observed her richly painted nails as the record player echoed its last notes before moving on to a next song. Warm blankets and crunchy snacks were scattered all around the neatly decorated room, and the weather outside showed the soft snowflakes falling down.

“I think natural pink suits you better than scarlet.”

Zeph’s voice interrupted her thoughts, but the redhead happily looked up.

“Pardon me?”

“I’m just saying. Bright red may not be the right tone.”

Lily eyed her nails with a disappointed glare, but knew her friend was correct in the observation. The nearly neon tone would look nice on anyone, but it matched horribly   
with her messy hair. 

“Maybe you’re right.”

Zeph had stayed to visit the Evans family on Boxing Day, arriving from New York the same day. 

Christmas Holidays were pleasant, Lily having spent it with her parents. Petunia was off somewhere with her boyfriend, enjoying the vacation far away from her own family. The thought made her smile fade, for Petunia had not sent a single letter, note, or even postcard in months.

“Don’t think of Petunia, Lily. She’s not worth your time.”

“How can you always read my mind?” Asked Lily in a humorous way, but could not hide the sadness. 

Zeph shot her a sympathetic and knowing look, but kept working on her broom, slowly polishing it with a special brush. 

“I know, I know. It’s just…. She and I were best friends and now, now it’s all gone. She’s throwing it all away and won’t tell me why.”

“She’s jealous, Lily. Everyone has a phase like that.” Zeph replied, “My cousin, Jackson, remember him? I was dead jealous of his talents when I was younger. But I overgrew it.”

“Yeah, but,” Lily interrupted, “Jackson is a wicked American, and has an awesome girlfriend. But Petunia-“

“Will always be Petunia!” Zeph interrupted rather loudly. “Now drop the depressive moods. It’s Boxing Day! Show me what you got!”

Lily smiled at the dark headed girl, and jumped towards her chest, were the gifts had been carefully placed the day before.

As they both laid on the bed, comparing gifts, the witch found herself forgetting about Petunia.

“Who got you the makeup?”

“Marlene. Mum wouldn’t let me buy that shade.”

“I like the scarf. Remus sent it?”

“Yeah, quite nice of him. Actually, Potter’s gift was also nice.”

“Wait.” Zeph stopped and stared, “Potter sent you a gift?”

Lily nodded in embarrassment, and showed her a strangely pretty picture of a lily, with a couple of chocolate cauldrons. 

“It was… sweet.”

“Oh my god! You like him!”

“No I don’t!”

“Yes you do! Potter and Evans, Evans and Potter. Wait until I tell Sirius!”

_________________________

 

The scent of hot cocoa enriched the air as the skinny gruff Indro made his way to the kitchen sink. Night had fallen and snow was now laying heavenly on the grass.   
Remus enjoyed snow, it’s cold touch burning his fingers. The wolf had never liked cold or snow, as a plus. 

“Remus, honey? Someone is on the phone calling for you.”

His mother’s voice awoke him from thoughts.

“Coming!”

The boy dried his hands quickly, hurrying to answer. 

“Hello-“

“REMUS!”

James’s voice boomed out of the blue telephone, and Remus cringed away from the device.

“Lower your voic-“

“Not like that James! Put your ear on the phone and you’ll listen.”

Mrs. Potter’s voice was heard from the other line, and the boy finally seemed to understand how to procede.

“Remus!”

“I’m still here.”

“I…”

“Yes?”  
After the hesitating word, James’s voice turned serious in a way that made Remus shiver. Something was wrong. 

“I have important news. You may want to sit down.”

“Yes?”

“It’s Sirius. He’s… not good.

“What do you mean?”

“Remus…”

“Yes?”

“Sirius showed up at my house this morning at two o’clock.”

“What?”

“He was just there. A broken arm, and his belongings with him.”

“Is he-“

“He was scared. Scared, Remus.”

“What happened?”

“He ran away.”


	11. “Timor”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title means “Fear” in Latin.   
> Hope you enjoy ;)

“Hello?”

“Evans. Hi.”

“For the love of- I swear to god, Potter, if the purpose of this phone call is to ask me out, I’m hanging up.”

Zeph arched an eyebrow before slowly leaving the house, letting Lily have a quiet conversation. 

“No, that’s not the reason.”

“Alright? Why are you calling then?”

“Erm… have you see the weather lately? It’s rather cold outside.”

“It’s the middle of winter! What do you want, Potter?”

“It’s- It’s complicated.”

“I see. Then, good-“

“No! Wait!”

“...What?”

“Is Andromeda with you?”

A more severe tone, she noted. 

“Andy? No, why?”

“Do you know if she’s with Marlene, or Emmeline, or Zeph?”

“No P- James. Zeph was here with me, Marlene is in Egypt and Emm… I think she stayed in Hogwarts.”

“Oh. Fuck.”

“James?”

“I’ll call you later.”

“What!? You can’t leave me hanging, don’t-“

“Cheers.”

The line was cut, leaving an unusually confused redhead. 

—————————————————

Fear had not been a huge part of James’ life. He could vaguely remember the early stages of childhood, when his father had told him to like darkness. Fleamont had explained that darkness was a handy tool, and it could be used to hide things, or himself. This, later, helped James with all of his pranks and experiences with the Marauders.

At age nine, his beloved grandfather died at the clutches of Dragon Pox. The Gryffindor remembered how he had refused to leave his room, in fear that, if he came out, the old man would truly be dead. 

His fears now a days were vague.

Lily being fond of Snape. 

His friends leaving him. 

Not getting good enough grades.

It wasn’t until Boxing Day, when a bell had ring so early, and the tall oak door was opened, that James felt intense fear, terror, run through his veins.

When he opened the door, it took a couple of seconds to process the image.   
Sirius, pale as the snow on his boots, arm bent in a wrong angle, dried tears on his face, blood running down his good arm, was near collapse when their eyes met. James was full of questions, but the only word Sirius echoed that night was simple.

“I ran away.”

Fortunately, Mrs. And Mr. Potter acted quickly, and took care of Sirius and his belongings as James stood there, speechless.

Once the hurt boy was tucked in bed, had his arm healed, and showered with warm words, the Potters sat on the kitchen table.

“His arm healed properly.” Noted Mrs. Potter, washing the blood off her hands. 

“Any other injuries?”

“No, the blood and his shoulder was just from a cut that had not healed properly. Plenary of sleep and he will feel much better.” the response to her husband was specific and quick.

“Mum?”

“Yes, honey?”

“Sirius will be allowed to stay right?” James panicked when his parents stayed quiet.  
“I mean, he has to. There is probably a reason why he’s here and what his parents did to him… well what about-“

“James.”

“...Yes, Dad?”

“Of course he will stay. Remember I already had adoption papers ready?”

“Oh.” Oh. James had completely forgotten about the idea proposed a couple of months ago. 

His parents smiled warmly at him.

“I just… one more thing.”

“Yes?”

“If… if Sirius is here, it’s likely that Christmas dinner went wrong.”

The others nodded.

“And if it did went wrong, Andromeda was also there. You, we were planning on taking them both in, right? I mean, what if she-“

A knot on his throat didn’t allow him to finish, and Mrs. Potter enveloped her son in an embrace.

“I am sure she will be fine, and yes, we will try our best to take her in too.”

Mr. Potter rose.

“Nothing can be certain until Sirius can tell us himself. Until then, we will wait.”

James nodded and gave then a small smile, then turned around to head to his   
bedroom. 

But that didn’t stop him from catching the severe and concerned look the Potters exchanged.


	12. Letters

December, 1970,  
Dear James,  
To be frank with you, it's the first time i have written a letter to a friend.. Mother makes me write letters to my aunts all the time, but now its different. The only person I have ever written to, that I liked, has been Andromeda.   
How are your holidays? Mine are boring. Ever since I was sorted into Gryffindor my parents have acted strangely around me and Dromeda. I suppose they're not happy about us breaking family tradition.  
I wanted to tell you something. I really appreciate that you let me in the group. Im serious (figuratively, I can already hear you mocking me). Remus is a very nice, even if weird, bloke, and Peter has lots of potential. And I'm figuring out that my family is not as nice as I thought. Thanks for accepting me, mate.  
I hope I can write less cheesy letters in the future, but thats that. See you in Hogwarts,  
Cheers,  
Sirius.  
P.S. Thanks for the box of chocolate. Father Christmas didnt bring me anything this year.

 

August, 1971  
Dear James,  
You outdid yourself with Evans. It's obvious that she hates you. But, to be fair, Snivellus is also disgusting.  
Another year has gone by, and our merry group has accomplished a great deal of pranks, activities, and detentions. Im satisfied with our goals. But, at the same time, I thought, we could do more. McG’s birthday was good but not great. Snape’s prank in the third floor was funny, but not hilarious. By now you should get the point. We have a lot of work and planning ahead of us, my friend.  
Now, changing to a darker subject, what the hell with Remus? Yeah, your theory about his lycanthropy can make sense, but at the same time it dosent. We are talking about Remus here, James. Remus! Remus that gets the best grades and is awefully modest about it. Remus that munch's on chocolate while correcting our essays. Remus that drinks gallons of tea and doesn't like the cold, wearing hand knitted sweateres. Sweaters! How can he be such creature? You need to get more proof James.  
And if he is one, what can we say? Do we confront him or let it be? Do the professors know? They should.  
I will keep thinking about it, but remember, Its Remus, sweet, innocent, goody touches Lupin.  
Cheers,  
Sirius.

January, 1973  
Dear James,  
Happy New Year!  
And guess what? I finally produced my patronus. It’s a very big dog. Have you done any progress, my brother from another mother?  
Anyways, I’ve spent mort of the Holiday reaserching (yes, me, reaserching) about animagi and other weird shit professor McG told us about. Nothing so far, but we are doing progress with the patronus.   
Sorry, gotta keep the letter short. Don’t expect any more mail from me and Andy. Mother is mad again.  
Cheers,  
Padfoot   
(It suits me better. We’ll get nicknames for all of you)

 

December, 1974,  
Deer James,  
Quick letter: I’m fine, so is Andy, but we’re not aloud to write to you guys. Here’s a Christmas gift. The glass you find in the envelope is a two-way mirror. We can communicate this way.   
See you in a couple of weeks,  
Padfoot.

 

December, 1975  
James  
I know it would be easier to communicate with the mirror, but my brother hid it from me. Again.  
I wish I could start the letter with a pun or a sarcastic joke, but I’m in no mood. And convincing myself to write this letter took a hell lot of time.   
Basically, my family situation is getting unbearable. Ever since the beginning of my time at Hogwarts, my parents have treated me as an inferior child for trying to be good. Every single Christmas dinner or family reunion is hell.   
They want me to become something I’m not, something evil and dark. I though I would be able to fight, make fun of them and eventually leave, but that’s not enough. Yesterday my father gave me a beating and I couldn’t even move for hours (please don’t freak out). I believe that they want to marry of Andromeda, and, even if it sounds absurd, may make death threats if we do not obey.  
And, to be frank with you, I’m scared. No, I’m fucking terrified.   
For years I’ve tried to defy their stupid ideologies but I can’t anymore. James… they used the Cruciatus curse on me. Who knows if they’ve used it with Andy, but I need to runaway.   
My parents stopped loving me the day I stepped on Hogwarts  
Now, for another topic worth discusioc…  
James, I’m going to sound cheesy and a tad dramatic in this, but please take it seriously. You are my brother. Ever since you accepted me for being, well, me, and not for my family name, I knew that I wanted to keep you close forever. You are brave, handsome and smart. Yes, you can be dumb from time to time, but still.  
You, Remus and Peter are the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I’m sorry if I ever hurt you.  
I know this letter is scrappy and badly written, but take it sincerely. Hopefully by the time you read it, I’ll be out of here.  
Cheers (and love),  
Sirius.

 

 

Tears stained the last one repeatedly as James made vain attempts to muffle his crying. The letter had just arrived by mail, no owl appearing that stormy night. He shuffled the other letters, all neatly stored at the bottom of his trunk until a few hours ago. 

He looked up from his desk, eyes landing on the sleeping form of his best friend. Mrs. Potter had let the boy sleep of James’s bed, placing a sleeping spell for better dreams. 

James himself wanted for Sirius to wake up. He wanted to tell the boy how much he meant for him.

All in due time, he thought to himself. Tomorrow I’ll take care of him. For now, sleep is good.

With one last moment of observation, he fetched a quill and ink, thinking before placing words on a parchment.

Dear Remus…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back!  
> Sorry, I had a huge writers block but this chapter is finally out. Please comment on any ideas you have on how to continue the story.  
> Cheers!


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